When I tell people I’m a Christian foster parent who specifically wants to take in LGBTQ youth, I usually get one of two reactions: confusion or outright hostility. How can a Christian specifically want LGBTQ kids? Isn’t that contradictory?
Here’s what I tell them: I’ve seen what happens when faith-based agencies and foster homes prioritize religious doctrine over a child’s emotional safety. I’ve watched LGBTQ youth leave placements traumatized, rejected, and convinced that they are fundamentally broken. And as someone who actually believes in what Jesus taught about caring for the vulnerable, I can’t participate in a system that uses faith as a weapon against the kids who need us most.
Let me be crystal clear: this isn’t about converting LGBTQ kids to anything. This is about giving them a safe place to explore their identity when trauma has already taken so much from them.
The Numbers Tell a Devastating Story
The statistics about LGBTQ youth in foster care should horrify anyone who claims to care about children.
Approximately 30.4% of youth in foster care identify as LGBTQ+ and 5% as transgender, compared to 11.2% of youth in a nationally representative sample. Think about that: LGBTQ youth are nearly three times overrepresented in foster care.
Why? Data shows 44% of LGBTQ+ youth in state custody were removed, ran away, or thrown out of their home for reasons directly related to their identity.
These kids come into care because their own families rejected them for being who they are. They’ve already experienced profound rejection from the people who were supposed to love them unconditionally.
And then what happens? Too often, they enter a foster care system that subjects them to more of the same.
What Happens to LGBTQ Youth in Foster Care
12.9% of LGBTQ youth report being treated poorly by the foster care system compared to 5.8% of non-LGBTQ youth.
LGBTQ youth face bias and discrimination in foster care from interactions with social workers and group home staff as well as policy and structural barriers.
LGBTQ youth who reported having been in foster care had three times greater odds of reporting a past-year suicide attempt compared to those who had not.
Let that sink in. These kids are three times more likely to attempt suicide if they’ve been in foster care. The system that’s supposed to protect them is actively harming them.
Transgender and nonbinary youth had greater odds of being in foster care compared to cisgender LGBQ youth, with transgender girls/women having the greatest odds, followed by nonbinary youth and transgender boys/men. And 40% of transgender and nonbinary youth in foster care reported being kicked out, abandoned, or running away due to treatment based on their LGBTQ identity.
Some LGBTQ youth make incredibly dangerous decisions in order to meet their most basic needs, including engaging in “survival sex” or “couch surfing” that involves sexual exchange rather than subjecting themselves to abuse within foster care. They literally choose sex work and homelessness over staying in the system. That’s how bad it is.
The Faith-Based Exemption Problem
Here’s where it gets even worse. Thirteen states have passed religious exemption laws permitting adoption and foster care agencies to discriminate against LGBTQ children and youth in their care as well as LGBTQ and other potential parents.
These laws explicitly allow taxpayer-funded agencies to refuse service to LGBTQ youth and families based on religious beliefs. They can turn away qualified, loving families because those families don’t meet their religious standards. They can place LGBTQ youth in homes that don’t affirm their identities, or refuse to place them at all.
Let me tell you what this looks like in practice.
In Michigan, Kristy and Dana Dumont wanted to foster a child. They approached Catholic Charities in 2016 but were “shut down” due to their sexual orientation, they “didn’t get any farther than the first phone call”.
In Tennessee, a Jewish couple was rejected from the necessary foster parent training required to adopt. In South Carolina, a Catholic mother was told she couldn’t be a foster because she isn’t Protestant.
These aren’t just anti-LGBTQ laws. They’re anti-anyone-who-doesn’t-meet-our-specific-religious-requirements laws.
And who suffers? The kids.
Why This Is Personal
I am a Christian. I believe deeply in my faith. And because of my faith, not in spite of it, I cannot participate in a system that weaponizes Christianity against vulnerable children.
I have seen too many LGBTQ kids come through the foster care system bearing wounds that were inflicted in the name of God. Kids who were told they were going to hell. Kids who were forced into “conversion therapy” or religious counseling designed to change them. Kids who had to hide who they were just to have a roof over their heads.
There are too many Christians in the foster care system who view LGBTQ youth as problems to be fixed rather than children to be loved.
So when I say I want to specifically take in LGBTQ youth, here’s what I mean:
I want to provide a home where a gay teenager doesn’t have to hide who they are.
I want to give a transgender youth a place where their identity is affirmed, not denied.
I want to create safety for kids who have been told, by their families, by previous placements, sometimes by their churches, that there is something fundamentally wrong with who they are.
These kids have already lost so much. They’ve been removed from their families. They’ve experienced abuse or neglect. Many have been in multiple placements, bounced around a system that doesn’t know what to do with them.
The last thing they need is another adult telling them they need to change who they are to be worthy of love.
The Theology That Harms
Here’s what breaks my heart: people use my faith to justify harming these kids.
They cite Bible verses while ignoring the clear, repeated command throughout Scripture to care for orphans and vulnerable children. They prioritize doctrinal purity over the actual wellbeing of real children in front of them.
Jesus spent his ministry with outcasts, marginalized people, and those rejected by religious authorities. He touched lepers when it was forbidden. He ate with tax collectors and sinners. He defended the woman caught in adultery from those who would stone her.
And yet somehow, modern Christians have decided that LGBTQ youth, some of the most vulnerable, rejected children in our society, are the ones we’re allowed to turn away? That we can use our religious beliefs to deny them safety and belonging?
That’s not Christianity. That’s using faith as a cover for prejudice.
What Affirming Foster Care Actually Looks Like
When I say I want to provide affirming foster care for LGBTQ youth, people sometimes think I mean I’ll be pushing some agenda or encouraging kids to “be gay.”
That’s not what this is.
Affirming foster care means:
- Using a youth’s chosen name and pronouns without making it a big deal
- Not treating their identity as something to be fixed or prayed away
- Creating space for them to explore who they are without judgment
- Connecting them with LGBTQ-affirming resources, counseling, and community
- Protecting them from discrimination at school, in healthcare, and in other settings
- Validating their experiences when they share about rejection and trauma
- Believing them when they tell you who they are
It means treating their identity the same way you’d treat any other fundamental part of who they are, with respect, dignity, and unconditional positive regard.
45% of LGBTQ youth with a history of foster care who had a school that was not LGBTQ-affirming attempted suicide in the past year compared to 26% of those who had a school that was LGBTQ-affirming. Affirmation saves lives.
The Broader Impact
The religious exemption laws don’t just hurt LGBTQ youth. They hurt the entire foster care system.
There are hundreds of thousands of children in foster care across the United States, and over half of the children waiting to be adopted wait more than two years for placement.
We have a shortage of foster homes. There are as many as four kids in the state’s foster care system for every licensed family in some states. We desperately need more qualified, loving families willing to take in children.
And what do these religious exemption laws do? They allow agencies to turn away qualified families, families who have passed all the requirements, families who want to help , because they don’t meet specific religious criteria.
It’s unconscionable. We’re prioritizing religious ideology over children’s need for permanent homes.
Why LGBTQ Youth Need LGBTQ-Affirming Homes
Some people argue that any home is better than no home. That LGBTQ youth should just be grateful for placement, even if that placement doesn’t affirm their identity.
But research tells us that’s not true. LGBTQ youth may experience discrimination and stigma unique to their sexual orientation, gender identity and/or gender expression from caseworkers, foster parents, congregate care facility employees, and other foster youth.
When an LGBTQ youth is placed in a home that doesn’t affirm their identity, or worse, actively tries to change it, that’s not safety. That’s another form of trauma.
They need homes where they can be themselves. Where they don’t have to constantly monitor their behavior, their speech, their appearance to avoid rejection. Where they can talk about their crushes, their identities, their experiences without fear.
LGBTQ youth who had been in foster care had nearly four times greater odds of being kicked out, abandoned, or running away due to treatment based on their LGBTQ identity compared to those who were never in foster care.
These kids are running away from placements because staying means denying who they are. They’re choosing homelessness over that kind of psychological torture.
What Needs to Change
We need to stop allowing taxpayer-funded agencies to discriminate based on religious beliefs.
If an agency receives government funding to provide child welfare services, they need to serve all children and work with all qualified families. Period. Your religious beliefs don’t give you the right to turn away children who need help or families who want to provide it, not when you’re being paid with public dollars to do a public service.
Only 13 states and the District of Columbia have explicit laws or policies in place to protect foster youth from discrimination based on both sexual orientation and gender identity. That’s shameful.
We need federal protections. We need explicit non-discrimination requirements for any agency receiving federal child welfare funding. We need to make it clear that the best interests of the child come before the religious preferences of the agency.
We also need more LGBTQ-affirming foster parents. Even the most LGBTQ-inclusive agencies can struggle to find qualified foster parents who are ready and willing to welcome LGBTQ youth into their homes.
If you’re a parent who could provide an affirming home, regardless of your own sexual orientation or gender identity, please consider fostering. These kids need you.
Why This Matters to All of Us
Even if you’re not LGBTQ, even if you don’t plan to foster, this should matter to you.
Because this is about how we treat the most vulnerable children in our society. It’s about whether we allow religious exemptions to override children’s safety and wellbeing. It’s about what we prioritize as a culture.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration on Children, Youth and Families has called on all of those who work with youth in foster care to do better, stressing “every child and youth who is unable to live with his or her parents is entitled to a safe, loving and affirming foster care placement, irrespective of the young person’s sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression”.
That’s the standard. Every child. Affirming placement. No exceptions.
If we’re going to claim we care about children, we need to actually care about all children, including the ones whose identities make some people uncomfortable.
My Commitment
I am a Christian foster parent, and I am committed to providing safe, affirming homes for LGBTQ youth.
Not to change them. Not to convert them. Not to make them fit into my theological boxes.
To give them what every child deserves: unconditional love, safety, and the space to figure out who they are.
These kids have had too many adults fail them. Too many people who were supposed to protect them but prioritized doctrine over their wellbeing. Too many homes where they had to hide or perform or pretend to be someone they’re not.
They deserve better. They deserve homes where being LGBTQ isn’t a problem to be managed but simply part of who they are. Where they can heal from the trauma they’ve experienced, including the trauma inflicted by religious institutions.
I can’t change the whole system. I can’t fix all the laws that allow discrimination in the name of faith. But I can provide one home where an LGBTQ youth knows they are completely, unconditionally accepted.
And if more Christians would do the same, if we would actually live out the values of love, compassion, and care for the vulnerable that our faith teaches, these statistics would look very different.
A Challenge to Faith Communities
To my fellow Christians: we have to do better.
We have to stop using our faith as justification for discrimination. We have to stop allowing religious exemptions to harm children. We have to prioritize the wellbeing of actual vulnerable youth over our theological positions on sexuality and gender.
If you truly believe in caring for orphans and vulnerable children, and our Scriptures are very clear that we should, then you need to care for ALL of them. Including the ones who are LGBTQ.
You don’t have to understand everything about gender identity or sexual orientation. You don’t have to have your theology all figured out. You just have to love these kids enough to provide them safety while they heal from the trauma they’ve already experienced.
These are children. They are not theological debates. They are not culture war battlegrounds. They are human beings who need and deserve love, safety, and belonging.
We can do better. We must do better.
Because right now, the data is clear: our religious institutions are failing LGBTQ youth in foster care. We’re contributing to their trauma, increasing their suicide risk, and driving them to choose homelessness over placement in our homes.
That should horrify us. And it should move us to change.
If you’re interested in becoming a foster parent for LGBTQ youth, here are some resources:
- Human Rights Campaign’s All Children – All Families program: HRC.org/ACAF
- Family Equality Council: Resources for LGBTQ families and affirming foster parents
- Movement Advancement Project: Information on state-level protections and discrimination
- Contact your local child welfare agency and specifically ask about LGBTQ-affirming placement programs
If you’re an LGBTQ youth in foster care and need support:
- The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 (24/7 crisis support)
- Your caseworker should connect you with LGBTQ-affirming resources – if they don’t, ask for them
- Know your rights: In many states, you have explicit protections from discrimination